Wednesday June 29, 2016
Greetings, all you fine denizens of the Internet! I'm Elise Laurenne, welcoming you to another wonderful edition of Naked News! We've got your bulletins coming up but first, let's say hello to Carli Bei and find out what's Trending Now on-line! What's happening on that good old World Wide Web this week Carli?
Elise, I feel like I've got a serious case of the Benjamin Button. I'm going to start things off with the old, and work my way back to young and hot!
Well, I do like young and hot, but old has its place too. What have we got this time? Singing? Dancing?
Believe it or not, FIGHTING! These are some old people who will knock you on your ass! If you were putting together a list of people you'd want by your side in a zombie apocalypse, you'd think your 81-year-old grandfather would be near the bottom of the list! But the video Leonardo Ramallo posted of his grandpa playing the VR game The Brookhaven Experiment might have you rethinking your position! Not only is he a zombie-killing machine, he's also incredibly entertaining! The video has over 12 MILLION views on Facebook and over 200 THOUSAND SHARES! “The Greatest Generation” indeed!
Of course, if you're looking for a more traditional zombie fighter... how about 76-year-old Meenakshi Amma? She is an expert and teacher of the Indian martial art of Kalaripayattu, and a demonstration of her ass-kicking skills has gone viral. Clearly, the expression “Those who can't do, teach” doesn't apply to the world of martial arts! A stick-swinging warrior dressed in a SARI?! It's no wonder this video has racked up over a million views on Facebook, along with over 40 thousand shares! If she ever gets tired of teaching or being an internet celebrity, she definitely has a future as a video game character!
Mind you, zombies often attack in swarms, so you might be better off with a Hulk. Luckily, we've got one in mind! Sajad Gharibi is an Iranian power-lifter who has quickly amassed over A HUNDRED THOUSAND Instagram followers due to his resemblance to the green superhero. One he has even acknowledged on his account, with both coloring and hashtags. And while the nearly 400 pounds he can apparently lift is far from the record, it's close enough for our tastes! And the fact that he often adds the hashtags “UFC” and “WWE” to his posts mean the Iranian Hulk might soon be an even bigger SMASH!
And reminding us this week that zombies aren't the ONLY apocalypse threat out there, Donald Trump found a sexy way to trend this week! Though Trump is polling horribly among women, some of his supporters brought their right to bare arms and bare other body parts to Twitter! Under the hashtag TrumpGirlsBreakTheInternet, they tried to convince the world that Trump at least had the babe vote. And then, because it's Twitter, there was the inevitable backlash! So maybe social media ISN'T the best forum for political debate...but it was a hell of a ride! Oh, and for the record, this isn't Eila! 95 percent sure!
And now, it's time to throw a little Russian dressing on your Instagram salad with our HASHTAG FOLLOW ME pick of the week! Russian model Viki Odintcova may be pretty new to the scene, but she's undeniably got both guns blazing! She has nearly 2-AND-A-HALF MILLION followers, and her signing with the Moscow-based modeling agency Mavrin Models means we should be seeing plenty more of her for years to come! This comrade has a killer smile, bountiful breasts, and as this elephant will attest to, plenty of junk in her trunk! I'm Carli Bei, and THAT'S what's TRENDING NOW!
I'm Natasha Olenski. In the news today, if you believe you can't get ahead in this economy, the small sliver of good news is that you're not alone! A new poll found that 71 PERCENT of Americans believe the economy is rigged! That was easily the majority opinion across all demographics, though it was particularly high among black Americans at 83 percent and those aged 18 to 24 at 80 percent! Economic uncertainty is also rampant. Nearly half of respondents fear they could lose their job within the next year, and nearly a third report losing sleep over their finances!
Looks like the U.S. Customs and Border Protection will be adding 'creeping' to their screening procedures! The government has suggested adding a line to the Visa Waiver form for visitors to the U.S. to provide their social media accounts. According to the proposal, the submissions would be voluntary. Some Republicans in Congress call the proposal “lame” and are pushing a bill that would make social media screening, mandatory.
And the water situation in Flint has dominated the headlines, but it's far from the only affected system in America! According to a statement by the Natural Resources Defense Council, OVER 5 THOUSAND water systems serving OVER 18 MILLION PEOPLE have been violating the EPA's Lead and Copper Rule! Transgressions include improper testing and reporting, and failure to treat the water and reduce corrosion. Their report also revealed that the EPA took formal enforcement action in only 11 PERCENT of known violations! And if that weren't bad enough, Elise, it will apparently cost a TRILLION DOLLARS over 25 years to fix!
Pretty unbelievable in this day and age, thanks Natasha.
Up next we've got Madison Banes bringing you the latest in sports including the latest Hockey Hall of Fame inductees, more bad news for the Rio Olympics, and a groundbreaking new cover model for Sports Illustrated!
Elise the decathlete FORMERLY known as Bruce Jenner is gracing the cover of Sports Illustrated! Caitlyn Jenner is posing with the gold medal she won at the 1976 Olympics on the front page. It's the first time she's been on SI's cover since winning the decathlon. Jenner says that even back then she knew there was a woman living inside of her, and that sports helped keep her distracted from the truth. SI's special summer double-issue is on newsstands now.
Four new hockey icons will soon be inducted in the sport's Hall of Fame! Power forward Eric Lindros headlines the 2016 group. In the nineties, the Big E was a force of nature on the ice, averaging more than a point-per-game and using his big frame to out-muscle opponents. Sadly his rough-and-tumble style led to a string of injuries that ultimately cut his career short. Lindros is being inducted alongside Russian Red Army legend Sergei Makarov and 3-time Stanley Cup winning goalie Rogie Vachon. Legendary coach Pat Quinn, who passed away in 2014, also made the cut.
Donald Trump loves winners, and he's rounded up some pretty big sports names for next month's Republican National Convention in Cleveland. Former heavyweight champ Mike Tyson and legendary coaches Mike Ditka and Bobby Knight are set to appear. As Trump puts it, all the tough guys love him! His current list of sports champs seems to be aimed at the 45-and-older voting crowd. But there's still a chance Tom Brady and UFC President Dana White will also be there. Y'know, like there's still a chance he's going to build that wall and have Mexico pay for it.
After being slapped with a two-year suspension from tennis for using PED's, Maria Sharapova is going to have a lot more free time on her hands - but she'll be putting it to good use! Sharapova's been accepted at Harvard Business School and is set to begin studying there this fall! She may not have the typical academic background of a Harvard student, but her five Grand Slam titles probably helped a bit on her application! The 29-year old has been banned from tennis until January 2018, though an appeal could see her back on the court sooner than later.
And ANOTHER big name athlete has pulled out of the Rio Olympics due to fear of the Zika virus. World number one golfer Jason Day says concerns over the bug will keep him from competing in Brazil. It's a huge blow for the Summer Games and golf in general, which is making its return to the Olympics after a century long absence. Day is the SEVENTH major champion golfer to back out of the Olympics.
Now it's time for this weeks MUST SEE moments in Sports. That was skateboard legend Tony Hawk performing his iconic 900 trick. Even at age 48, that Hawk can still fly! With the very latest in Naked Sports, I'm Madison Banes!
Kat Curtis went Naked in the Streets and asked people if they'd ever faked an orgasm. And if they had, why. There are definitely some interesting answers.
Thanks, Kat. That Naked In The Streets was far too real! Now, let's check in with Natasha for a Naked News bulletin and a product recall from an unexpected retailer.
ELise we never think of furniture as being a hazardous product, but this is something furniture giant, Ikea is having to deal with right now. They've just issued a massive recall, of over 30 million chests and dressers, primarily from their MALM series. The reason? The furniture is prone to tipping over if left unanchored. Dozens of kids have been hurt and in some cases even killed because of it. The recall will allow customers the choice between a refund or a free wall-anchoring kit.
Could California's water crisis finally be solved? Researchers from Stanford University say they've just found an underground water reservoir that they believe contains 713 TRILLION gallons of water. It's beneath California's Central Valley and is nearly THREE times as big as previously estimated and several times more than what California has lost in their current 5 year drought. One problem though, it's thousands of feet below the surface and VERY expensive to pump out. Its also in close proximity to several oil and gas drilling sites which means the water COULD be contaminated.
And New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio has found a way around the discrimination against transgender people using public bathrooms. Under a new law he just signed, single-occupant restrooms in the city's public places will soon be gender-neutral! The bill was voted in overwhelmingly by the New York City Council 47 to 2. This follows the passing of similar laws in cities including Austin, Texas and Washington, D.C. Those are your headlines, for Naked News, I'm Natasha Olenski.
I'm Vera Bambi. In Pillow Talk, the fine folks at AskMen recently ranked the best porno movie PLOTS, and we've got their results for you. According to them, "hot girl orders pizza, but has to pay the delivery guy with sex" scenario is the best ever. Hey, who's gonna argue with that? In second place is "stepson and hot stepmom fall in lust", followed by "housewife wants the plumber to check HER pipes". Ahhh, don't you just love the classics?
I've got bad news for most men out there - you're only lasting about HALF as long in bed as your lady would like. A study in the Journal of Sex Research says that the average man lasts somewhere around six minutes. But women actually WANT fourteen minutes! Men are doing slightly better on the foreplay front, though. You're giving us roughly eleven minutes, while we're hoping for nineteen. Remember, foreplay is one of those times where less is definitely not more!
If you want more - SEX, that is! - here's a tip: Help out with the housework! A new study that analyzed marital satisfaction showed that couples who shared housework equally had sex about thirty-six percent MORE often! So doing your fair share of dishwashing, grocery shopping, vacuuming, and cooking isn't JUST, you know, FAIR. It could also lead to more boom-chicka-wow-wow.
A Spanish company has created the Library of Orgasms! They conducted a study that found MOST women believed they were "supposed" to sound like pornstars... and sometimes felt BAD if they didn't. The Library is intended to show what ACTUAL women sound like, so everyone can be comfortable with whatever noises they make. Women can even anonymously upload recordings of their OWN orgasms to add to the library. This is a HUGE improvement over John Grisham audiobooks!
And how's this for a hot new trend - penis lipsticks! No, it's not lipstick for your penis. It's lipstick SHAPED like a penis, veins and all. The phallic makeup has been around for a while, but it's suddenly gone viral. Now women around the country are touching up their lips with the teeny weenies. The only drawback? Just like the real thing, after you use them for a while they tend to soften up and lose their shape. That's your Pillow Talk for today. For NN, I'm VB.
Elise Laurenne, Carli Bei, and Angie Heyward close out the program with a chat about some of today's stories.
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