Friday October 21, 2016
All right, welcome everyone. Addilyn, I've got a question for you and it might be a little before your time but, what are your thoughts on Corey Feldman? Well, one thing I've learned about him is that he's a glutton for punishment. Here's Whitney St. John in the Boob-Tube to tell you more.
It's time for our latest round up of the best and THE WORST of TV! With me as always is my room of legumes, The Peanut Gallery! You ready, Peanuts? Then a-WAY, we go! The next time someone asks you if you saw Corey Feldman's HUMILIATING performance on The Today Show, you'll have to ask “Which one?” The glutton for punishment made another trip to the punishment buffet, with a new song to perform AND a defense of his LAST performance which was nearly as painful! That was bad, but he's not making this easy! The genius of an anti-bullying song is that no matter how HORRIBLE it is, you feel like a monster making fun of it! So I'll just say Feldman's outfit is the closest that song will ever get to GOING GOLD!
I don't think Alex Trebek has ever made me laugh before. If he did, it was definitely back when he was still rocking the glorious 'stache! But in one of those horrible mid-show interviews recently, he pulled off a pretty great 'Oh, Snap' moment! A solid burn, but should Alex Trebek really be going after nerds? Can the host of Jeopardy for over THIRTY years really be acting THAT superior? Like the saying goes “In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man still needs glasses!”
When Eric Andre was in town recently, he sat down for a Schmooze with our own Madison Banes. And based on his recent interview with Flavor Flav, it looks like he picked up at least ONE of her interview techniques! Hannibal Burress, on the other hand, seems to be taking the title 'sidekick' far too literally! Flavor Flav has been all over social media denying the kick took place. He says it was, quote, “bullshit editing.” But personally, I believe it happened. I know when I see Flavor Flav, it makes me want to kick it old school!
We went deep into the vault for our next clip, but it's all too topical! After Billy Bush was caught on tape “locker room talking” with Donald Trump, the obvious question was “How did no one know what a pig he was?” Well, turns out the evidence was there all along! J-Lo was and is one of the world's biggest stars! The only ass in that interview is him! Billy Bush clearly crossed a line, and that's why I'm proud to say Naked News is a BUSH-free zone! Thank you for your support!
And speaking of butts, my Peanuts BUTTER get back to work! I'm Whitney St. John, and I'll see you next time in the Boob-Tube!
I'm Vera, here with this weeks your Odds 'n Ends. There's Ashtanga yoga, Bikram yoga... and now GOAT yoga! No Regrets Farm in Albany, Oregon, has people "FLOCKING" to their new Goat Yoga classes. People come for relaxing sessions out in a field as goats wander around doing cute goat things. "Goat things" includes eating any mats that have floral patterns, but despite that little bit of bad behavior, the wait list for classes is five HUNDRED people long!
Have you ever wanted to lick supermodel Doutzen Kroes' back? Now you can, and it'll only cost you eight bucks! Netherlands' PostNL has released a sheet of postage stamps featuring the Dutch beauty in a series of pics titled "Doutzen Mode & Muze". Some of them are pretty damn sexy for postage, too. MUCH sexier than the *USPS'* new "Pets" sheets, for sure!
Which isn't to say people don't LOVE pets. In fact, after years of lobbying by "pet parents", New Yorkers can now be BURIED with their pets! Governor Andrew Cuomo recently signed the law that allows cremated pets to be interred along with their people in human cemeteries not operated by religious groups. This is a BIG win for animal lovers. They were originally just asking for the right to be buried in PET cemeteries! I'll be back with more Odds N Ends, later in the show.
I don't know how I feel about being buried with a pet, but I guess it's nice to have the option? What do you think about that? Okay, later in the program, Madison is going Naked At The Movies to tell us all about the newest Jack Reacher film. But before THAT happens, Eila is going to give you ANOTHER reason to watch it. Here she is.
I'm Eila Adams, and it's time to get Hollywood Xposed, with the help of our friends at Mr. Skin! The new Jack Reacher film is out but the 'HER' we most want to REACH is star Cobie Smulders! Jack Reacher: Never Go Back is an action-adventure movie, which gives us hope that Smulders had the same ACROBATIC stunt double she had in 2014's They Came Together! That spoof of rom-coms gave us a bizarre yet strangely tantalizing sex scene that ensured we'd never have any BEEF with Cobie!
Also in theaters this week is Ewan McGregor's directorial debut American Pastoral. For now, it's out in limited release, but there was nothing limited about the release viewers experienced watching star Jennifer Connelly in The Hot Spot! She plays Gloria, which makes sense given how glorious she is! The character does get blackmailed, but we prefer to think of her as getting white-femaled! Her full-nude scene with Debra Cole makes The Hot Spot a serious understatement of a title!
Out on Blu-Ray this week is the Criterion version of Short Cuts. The title may not have been referring to Julianne Moore's pubic hair, but that's what we remember most about the Robert Altman classic. And if the title refers to editing, we're very glad none of the THREE minute scene featuring Julianne's buns and bush got cut! Her interaction with Matthew Modine has plenty of angry dialogue, but thankfully, they aren't the only ones seeing red!
And on TV this week, Quarry lived up to its name and helped people get their rocks off once again! In the sixth episode of the Cinemax series, Kaley Ronayne returns as the sister of a homicide victim, but we're glad to report she more than survived this stabbing! She may have first come to our attention as Sasha Van Dahl on Gotham, but when it comes to sex, “Networks can work, but cable's more able!”
And now, let's keep the train rolling with Hollywood Xpress! On EgoAllStars.com this week, Marisa Papen's largely black-and-white nude spread for Yume Magazine, proves there's no need for a background when SHE's in the picture!
Kim Kardashian's the undisputed queen of the selfie, and she has the book of selfies called Selfish to prove it! I have a feeling the people who stop on the nude pages might be performing “selfies” of their own!
Lucy Pinder may be a Pinderella, but there's nothing evil about her dangling stepsisters! Her latest spread may be out in the woods, but we can't see the forest for the TREATS!
And Yume Magazine is again resting on their LAURELS with a delicious look at Laurel Witt! These pics remind us once again there's nothing better in this world than WITTS and GLASSES! With your latest serving of celebrity skin, I'm Eila Adams.
Okay, Addilyn, what's your favorite TV catchphrase ever? Well, Carli's going Naked In The Streets right now to test peoples knowledge and see if they can, “Guess who said that popular catchphrase!”
The Swiss town of Solothurn has hired its newest HERMIT. Since the fifteenth century, the town has paid someone to live alone in a small cabin, take care of the local chapel, and share wisdom with tourists. The newest hermit, Michael Daum, will be paid 24 thousand dollars a year, plus paid vacation, and room and board. It may not sound like much, but 22 people still applied for the position!
Forget "booting" illegally parked cars - the Barnacle is even better! The bright yellow device attaches to cars' windshields with suction cups providing 750 pounds of force each. The ONLY way to get it off is for the dodgy parker to pay their fine by phone then enter a code on the Barnacle's keypad. They then drop the thing off at a predetermined location. Look for them to embarrass scofflaws across the US.
And finally, if you didn't catch Yves Saint Laurent's Spring 2017 show at Milan Fashion Week, check our their "mono-boob" dress! The dress' bodice went WELL beyond strapless, with the material covering only her right breast. That left the breast fully exposed - except for a sparkly pasty. This isn't YSL's first "free a nipple" couture, and we certainly hope they plan to keep it up! Those are your Odds 'n Ends! For Naked News, I'm Vera Bambi.
Thanks Vera. I'm not sure how I feel about the mono boob dress. I like the idea of as much skin as possible on principle, but that just looks like an uncomfortably draped leather towel. All right, up next we're going Naked At The Movies and as we told you earlier, Madison is taking a look at Tom Cruise's latest film, Jack Reacher: Never Go Back. What's your favorite Tom Cruise role? Well let's see what Madison has to say about this one.
Tom Cruise's latest movie is Jack Reacher: Never Go Back, and despite that, let's GO BACK to the studio, where Madison is waiting to tell us all about it in Naked at the Movies!
Jack Reacher: Never Go Back is the sequel to the 2012 action thriller, with Tom Cruise once again taking on the title role. After being drawn back by his replacement, played by Cobie Smulders, the butt-kicking Reacher finds himself having to unravel a major conspiracy. If the title seems like an ironic choice for a sequel, Cruise makes it clear why this is a character worth revisiting. It's too early to know if Jack Reacher will reach full franchise status, but if you like Tom Cruise, it certainly pairs nicely with Mission: Impossible. While those movies are all about the flash, Jack Reacher is all about efficiency - and action! I've said it before and I'll say it again: Tom Cruise may be nuttier than pecan pie, but he makes good movies! Jack Reacher: Never Go Back is in theaters now.
Keeping Up with the Joneses is an action comedy about a boring suburban couple whose lives get turned upside down when their beautiful new neighbors turn out to be spies! The always hysterical Zach Galifianakis and Isla Fisher play the Gaffneys, while the Joneses are played by Jon Hamm and Gal Gadot! And for those who fell in love with Gadot as Wonder Woman, she is a revelation in her first big comedic role! Action comedies can be a tricky. You want the action to keep going, but sometimes the comedy slows things up! Luckily we're in good hands here. Zach Galifianakis is an old hand at this if you count the Hangover movies, and the rest of the cast certainly has the comedic chops to keep up! Keep both of these movies in mind when planning your weekend. You can propose Jack Reacher, and if your lady says 'No', you can counter with Keeping Up with the Joneses. That way, you still get to see stuff blow up, and you'll both get some laughs along the way! I'm Madison Banes, and I'll see you next time, Naked at the Movies!
Looks like everyone will have 2 great films to choose from this weekend! And with THAT, Addilyn, it's time to say goodbye.
We'll see everyone NEXT, for this weekend's Naked News magazine. That includes a sexy interview with Eila and a group of naked ladies called the Aquaflirts.
Plus lots more of course! SO what did everyone think of today's program? Let us know by writing to firstname.lastname@example.org or post a note to us on social media.
We're on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. Thanks for tuning in, we'll see you next time, take care everyone.
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