Transcript Hello, everyone, and welcome to Naked News! I'm Eila Adams, this is Madison Banes, and we're not going to b... Read More >> Hide >>

Hello, everyone, and welcome to Naked News! I'm Eila Adams, this is Madison Banes, and we're not going to beat around the bush!

It's time to preview the movie we've all been waiting nearly TWO DECADES for and that's FINALLY here! In charades, it's known as...

That's right, it's Baywatch time, and Alana's got it right now in Naked at the Movies!

Baywatch is back, baby! Nearly thirty years after the TV show first premiered and more than sixteen since it wrapped up, Baywatch: The Movie is finally here! Not counting 2003's TV movie, Baywatch: Hawaiian Wedding, of course! This Baywatch is WAY funnier than it's ever been before, with Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson as Mitch Buchannon and Zac Efron as young upstart Matt Brody! But let's not pretend that's why we're watching...

Yes, the jiggliest show on TV has become an R-rated movie, with what returning star Pamela Anderson calls “a little bit of swearing” and “a little bit of nudity.” Arguably the most babelicious for this go-round is Kelly Rohrbach, who admirably fills her red swimsuit as THIS generation's CJ Parker! But The Rock promises there's plenty more where that came from!

Very glad to hear it, and seeing the Rock is a reminder that there's something for the ladies too! Besides the laughs and action, of course! Baywatch is in theaters now.

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales can't keep up with Baywatch in terms of sexiness, but it can match it in ocean adventures stroke for stroke! Not only has Johnny Depp gotten an Oscar nomination for his portrayal of Captain Jack Sparrow, this latest installment has TWO Oscar-winning actors taking to the high seas!

In case you didn't recognize them under the creepy makeup, that's Javier Bardem and Geoffrey Rush in pursuit of Captain Jack! That's a lot of Hollywood star power to have on your trail, but I've got a feeling Johnny Depp hasn't walked his last plank! Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales is also in theaters now. I'm Alana, and I'll see you next time, Naked at the Movies!

Rick and Morty isn't the most watched show on TV, but it probably has the most devoted fans. The show bears more than a little resemblance to Back to the Future, so it's only appropriate that a rant by Rick in the season premiere may be responsible for restoring a little bit of the past!

What he's talking about is Mulan Szechuan Teriyaki Dipping Sauce from 1998, and thanks to the episode, it's hot again! A pack recently sold on eBay for nearly 15 THOUSAND dollars. When asked if they'd bring it back, a McDonald's spokesperson said “We never say never.”

I know the point of ninjas is they're hard to find, but the Japanese tourism industry is apparently finding them TOO hard to find! While they may not be legendary warriors any more, ninjas still need a certain skill set, and Japan's many themed attractions and restaurants are finding it near impossible to meet the demand! Where's Chris Farley when you need him?

Money can't buy you happiness, but it can buy you friends and family. At least for awhile! That said, it didn't work out too well for a groom in Northern China, who got ARRESTED at his own wedding when his wife's family realized the 200 guests he invited, were all paid actors! It's unclear what crime he might've committed or what his motivation was, but speculation is the families didn't approve of the match! Well, I'm sure they're all feeling MUCH better about things now! Don't go away, I'll have more Odds N Ends for you, coming up!

All right, we have a BRAND NEW audition for you now.

Her name is Tia, and not only is she gorgeous, she's got an absolutely adorable personality.

So pay attention because we're going to want your feedback. Here's Tia.

The sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick.

I've got another one for you. A troubled Texan toils over a toilet in trouble and it takes a tragic toll. That's actually the subject of Shannon's next story in Odds and Ends!

Like me, you can probably think of a couple solid reasons not to clear a toilet clog with your hands. Well, now, thanks to Gracie Henderson of Texas, we've got another one! So to recap: She got her hand stuck in the toilet. Then had to call the fire department. Who had to destroy her toilet. Then her friend put the video on Facebook where it has over 1-POINT-3 MILLION views! Talk about an ad for plungers!

Everyone needs a plunger, but not everyone needs a trailer. I mean, if you're moving a boat, they're a pretty good idea...but as one recent Facebook video shows, not a necessity! My only take away from that clip is that the man is definitely SINGLE! I say that because no woman in her right mind would allow him to leave the driveway like that.

Last up today, how do you make a six-foot penis sculpture safe? The same way you make ANY penis safe: throw a condom on it! That's what an Austrian art dealer ended up doing as a compromise with the local mayor after unwanted screens were put up to block it from view. An orange tarp in condom form may not be the perfect solution, but I guess they were stuck between it being a ROCK and a HARD PLACE! For Naked News, I'm Shannon!

Next we have Carli Bei undressing some of your favorite celebrities.

Here she is in Hollywood Xposed!

Alexandra Daddario is bouncing her away across big screens in Baywatch, but according to Mr Skin, it was in HBO's True Detective that we first TRULY DETECTED her perfection! When she delivered her top-notch top-less ON-the-cuffs striptease, it was a safe bet Mr. Harrelson wasn't the only WOODY in the room! Shame he couldn't COP a feel, because Alexandra definitely puts the DAIRY in 'Daddario'!

Keira Knightley is once again in a Pirates of the Caribbean movie... but if you really want to GAWK THE PLANK, there's no MADNESS in checking out A Dangerous Method. You'll especially enjoy watching Michael Fassbender as Carl Jung FassBENDER-OVER and give her SPANKS for the memories! There's lots of women you wouldn't want daily, but we'll always be happy to see Keira KNIGHTLEY!

Try as we might, we couldn't think of any way to make innuendo out of the title Twin Peaks... but we still wanted to show you Nafessa Williams' TWO BREASTS! Mr Skin says that in Episode 3 of Showtime's revival, we get Nafessa Undressa-ed, and I've got to confessa, I'm totally jealousa! I had to peak twice!... Boy, it really feels like there should be a joke there...

I'm Dying Up Here!... is also on Showtime, and in the pilot, Jessica Prince pays us for watching with her Prince-ly Sums-things! The series is about Seventies standups, and you'll want to do some STANDING UP of your own for this opening act, with her tasteful ta-tas and her jerkin' merkin! To quote the Bard, “Good night, Sweet Prince!”

Hope you've got a round-trip ticket, 'cause it's time for Hollywood Xpress! On Egotastic this week, Abigail Ratchford shows that she's a HANDFUL on Instagram with her constant use of the hand-bra!

Emelia Paige gets topless in the kitchen, and we're certainly not turning the Paige!

Frida Aasen has us heading to Norway, because if everyone looks like her, we can't A FJORD not to!

And Gabrielle Caunesil makes us feel Caune-SILLY we ever bothered looking at anyone else!

With much love to Mr. Skin, that's all for this edition of Hollywood Xposed. Til we meet again, I'm Carli Bei.

That wraps up today's show. Join us next for this weekend's Naked News magazine!

We have a brand new Behind The Lens for you and Carli's back at the huge Exxxotica trade show in Denver to introduce us to some of the hottest ladies at the convention.

We also need your thoughts on Tia. How do you think she did? Well, if you guys want to see her back on the program, you need to let us know by writing into

And don't forget to stay up to date with all things Naked News, on social media. We're on Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat and Facebook.

Bye everyone.

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