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The Mafia Monday August 27, 2012


Recently, I was reading a novel featuring a Mafia Don, you know, a Tony Soprano type, and as a strong, intelligent woman, it occurred to me: Where are the women in organized crime? I don't mean the "mob wives" and girlfriends. I'm talking about soldiers and capos,the higher-ups.

There are women in the military, fighting fires, building machinery, going into space, and running countries. But in the Mafia? Bupkis. A wife or a girlfriend relaying orders from an imprisoned husband doesn't count.

So, what's the deal? Is organized crime just such a macho scene that having women around would spoil the fun or something? It sure can't be that women aren't cutthroat enough, because anyone who's worked with women, PRESENT COMPANY EXCEPTED, knows that women are just as ruthless, vicious, and dangerous as any man. Cross us, and you WILL regret it. Ya know what I'm sayin'?

Yes, naturally, I'm appalled that, say, women in Saudi Arabia aren't allowed to leave their house without a chaperone, and that the Taliban forbids women from getting an education. But those are, let's call them "less-advanced" countries than the United States, and human rights are dodgy across the board. But America? Land of opportunity? It is simply unacceptable that sexual discrimination like this exists here, in my own country.

My point is, I think things have gotta change with the Cosa Nostra. We women have had equal rights for almost a hundred years. But the Mob seems to be holding out on us. So I am ready to take on organized crime and demand what has been deprived us for too long.

I think we have excellent grounds for a class action suit against the Mob, for gender discrimination. It could be, shall we say, quite a lucrative endeavor for us ambitious gals.

This type of discrimination should have ended a long time ago and I for one, won't stand for it anymore. Mr. Mobster, If you think the FBI and RICO gave you a hard time, you just WAIT until we organize your wives and girlfriends to demand equal opportunities.

I mean if you guys force us to, we WILL "Go to the mattresses" and kick you off of them! Oh yes.